Official Tells People to Kick People's Balls Instead of Touch Them

Apparently, it's okay to kick, but not touch, people's balls. At least that's what we're being advised.

In a conference held by Nassau County Executive Laura Curran in Long Island, New York, Curran urged people who plan to get back into playing tenns to keep socially distancing.

And how should people do it?

"You can kick their balls, but you can't touch them," Laura Curran emphasized with a straight face.

Yes, of course she meant tennis balls. But that's not going to stop the crowd (or us) from laughing out loud.

According to the official, if you're playing with someone from the same household, you can touch those balls. Which makes sense, since it's all about handling only those balls you're familiar with.

Her straight face then collapsed when she told the crowd how to identify one’s balls so you won’t mix other people’s balls with other people’s balls: "To avoid confusion between whose balls are whose, you can use a marker, like a Sharpie, to mark out an X or to put someone's initials on them.”

You heard it here first, folks. Kick the balls, don't touch them. If you do plan on touching them, make sure they're from someone from your own household. Simple enough.

Ms. Curran—If it helps, we're laughing with you, not at you.